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标题: [原创]面朝大海,春暖花开, 的英译 上一主题 | 下一主题
fanghuzhai

#1  [原创]面朝大海,春暖花开, 的英译

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海子:《面朝大海,春暖花开》

从明天起,做一个幸福的人
喂马,劈柴,周游世界
从明天起,关心粮食和蔬菜
我有一所房子,面朝大海,春暖花开

从明天起,和每一个亲人通信
告诉他们我的幸福
那幸福的闪电告诉我的
我将告诉每一个人
给每一条河每一座山取一个温暖的名字

陌生人,我也为你祝福
愿你有一个灿烂的前程
愿你有情人终成眷属
愿你在尘世获得幸福
我只愿面朝大海,春暖花开




在微信上的一个翻译群,看到有人在翻译海子的这首诗。 我对海子一点也不了解。 这首诗也没读过,但是那句有名的“面朝大海春暖花开” 已经是广为流传的名句了。 也不知道名句在哪里, 可能是能够生动表达一种开阔开朗的心境吧, 让很多人有共鸣。

本来呢, 我也不想翻译。对翻译现代诗没什么兴趣。 看到其中“关心粮食和蔬菜” 我就开玩笑地翻译成“ care about organic farming" 然后就顺手翻译了第一段贴上去, 有点搞笑的意思。的确, 海子那个时候,有机食物的理念还不流行,所以他写粮食和蔬菜,绝不是指这个。但是粮食和蔬菜,在这首诗里代表一种追求好像今天李子柒的那种贴近自然的生活的意思。我觉得直译成grains and vegetables 有点像完成五年计划似的。 如果是马雅科夫斯基的诗, 那一定要直译。

后来看到一个译文, 第一段里的动词,都没有用主语:

Starting tomorrow, be a happy person
Feed horses, chop wood, and travel around the world
Starting tomorrow, care about grains and vegetables
I'll have a house
Facing the sea, flowers blooming in warm spring

我就提意见,说读起来像是在命令别人, 因为这都是祈使句。 译者马上回答说”省略了I“。我说英语诗歌里能否这样省略很可疑。这个零主语动词句的现象,我在微信上的翻译群里见过不止一次,也指出过。有的明显就是直译中文,因为中文不需要主语。 但是无主语的英文动词原形句子读起来就变成了祈使句。 我去查英文,发现英语诗歌里,如果主语省略了,那个动词大多数不是原型动词。 这个当然可以做进一步研究。 总之我的意思就是翻译中文诗歌的时候,不能用中文的语法写英文。你补出个主语就那么累吗?

作者还说“即使头几句读者误解, 看到后边的I'll have a house 等等就会明白包括作者自己”。 天哪,你为什么从一开始不写清楚呢? 有这个必要制造悬念吗? 他还说,现代诗常常有意不十分明确, 甚至允许有歧义。 难道你这是有意制造晦涩吗?

英语中不是没有主语后出的情况,但是那种情况下,前边的动词,如果是主语的动作,必须使用非限定形式, 比如: Having studied Chinese in this school for three years, he is able to translate this book.


另外一个地方涉及到wish 的用法:

Wish you'll have a splendid future
Wish you'll marry your love
Wish you'll aquire happiness in this world
I only wish
Face the sea, Flowers bloom in warm spring

我说第一你这个wish 后边的从句动词应该用虚拟语气, I wish you would。 第二,你最后两行根本不通。 不是意思不通。是英语语法不通。译者回答说,最后一行,是wish的宾语。 他说用了两个大写字母就表示这一行是wish的宾语,是名词短语。 他后来把最后两行改成:

I only wish myself
Face the sea, Flowers bloom in warm spring

他说:“ 方壶斋,我忘了解释,就是最后一句 I only wish myself 后面不是跟的 face, 而是两个做名词的短语。 后边特意大写了 Flowers  的 F。 这样,也就是两个短语合起来作为一个名词” 这是I wish myself something。“

这样的解释简直让我惊掉大牙。 他的逻辑就是:

1) I wish myself something.
2) something= Face the sea, Flowers bloom in warm spring
3) Therefore:

I only wish myself
Face the sea, Flowers bloom in warm spring

在我进一步质疑下, 他又说, 这个Face the sea, Flowers bloom in warm spring 实际上有引号括起来的, 只不过隐藏了。 呵呵。

后边的发展我就不写了。

下边我的翻译就是因为这个做的,其实我并没有要翻译的意思。


Facing the Sea In Warm Blooming Spring

By HAI Zi
Tr. by Fang Huzhai


Tomorrow on, I decide to be happy
Feeding my horse, cutting firewood,going on a worldwide journey
Tomorrow on, I decide to be happy
Caring for grains and produce only
Around my house facing the sea
While flowers bloom in warm spring gaily

Tomorrow on I’ll write to the folks of family
Telling them to what extent I am happy
What is brought to me by the lightning of joy
I’ll pass on to everyone I see

A heart-warming name I’ll give to
Every mountain and each river
I’ll bless you too, though a stranger
Wishing you a splendid future
I wish you a love fruiting in marriage
Filled with happiness of this age
My wish is none other than facing
The sea, while flowers bloom in warm spring

10/10 随便翻翻Longfellow 的诗, 觉得可以模仿他的风格:

Facing the Sea in A Warm Blooming Spring

By HAI Zi

Tr. by Fang Huzhai
 
Tomorrow onward, I’ll be happy
Feeding my horse and cutting firewood,
I’ll embark on a worldwide journey
Tomorrow onward, in happy mood
I’ll devote myself to none other than
The daily meals of vegetables and grains
In my house that faces a vast ocean span
While flowers bloom in the warm spring rains
 
Tomorrow onward I’ll write to the folks of family
Telling them that I am indeed a happy man
What I get from the lightning of ecstasy
I’ll definitely pass on to everyone

A heart-warming name I’ll give to
Each and every mountain and river
I’ll bless you, a stranger, too
Wishing you a splendid future
I wish you a love fruiting in wedlock
Filled with happiness of earthly living
Indeed, my wish is as firm as a rock:
To face the sea, in the warm blooming spring

网上介绍海子这首诗,还配了个英文翻译。 我就不懂,难道英文成了中国第二官方语言了不成?你介绍海子的诗, 拿出个英文, 无非是说这个英文是独一无二的权威版本。 谁批准的? 如果海子自己写的是双语诗, 那你可以说,这是他的中文稿, 这是他的英文稿。 不是海子自己写的英文,你拿出来介绍谁呢?

这个英文稿,大多出现在英语学习网站,拿老中的英语去教英语,岂不误人子弟?

From tomorrow on, I will be a happy person;

  Grooming, chopping, and traveling all over the world.  【 groom 并不限于马, 给狗梳毛也是】

  From tomorrow on, I will care foodstuff and vegetables, 【care for, take care of 】

  I have a house, towards the sea, with spring flowers blossoming. 【房子朝大海走吗?】

  From tomorrow on, I will write to each of my dear ones,

  Telling them of my happiness,

  What the lightening of blessedness has told me, 【闪电是 lightning, blessedness 没必要, bless 就是名词】

  I will spread it to each of them.

  And give a warm name for every river and every mountain. 【主语缺失】

  Strangers, I will also give you my well-wishing.

  May you have a brilliant future!

  May you lovers eventually become spouse! 【应该是 spouses 吧?】

  May you enjoy happiness in this earthly world!

  I only wish to face the sea, with spring flowers blossoming.

网上还有个yuanyuan 翻译朗诵的版本。https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWcEa1mZGuY

看其介绍里有这样一句: he committed the suicide, 好像是一种特定的自杀。呵呵,不过这是小问题, 比起前边那位译者算是小巫见大巫。

前边那位译者还是某大学终身教授, 从事过多种语言的翻译。 喜欢写中文诗。 我看了他的中文诗还不错。


2019-10-9 21:29
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小忍

#2  



引用:
Originally posted by fanghuzhai at 2019-10-9 09:29 PM:
Tomorrow onward, I’ll be happy
Feeding my horse and cutting firewood,
I’ll embark on a worldwide journey
Tomorrow onward, in happy mood
I’ll devote myself to none other than
The daily meals of vegetables and grains
In my house that faces a vast ocean span
While flowers bloom in the warm spring rains

I have never seen "Tomorrow onward"

I would say "from tomorrow onward", or "from tomorrow on",

"on a worldwide journey"?

"a worldwide journey" is too specific, too particular, he doesn't mean that. He is considering doing it, but not planning its date or destination.

I would say "traveling around world" is better.

"The daily meals of vegetables and grains"

just say, food and vegetable, since he wouldn't care to be a farmer, but does concern what he eats.

then,

从明天起,做一个幸福的人
喂马,劈柴,周游世界
从明天起,关心粮食和蔬菜
我有一所房子,面朝大海,春暖花开

From tomorrow on, I’ll be a happy man
Feeding my horse and cutting my firewood,
I’ll travel all around the world
From tomorrow on,
I’ll take care of my food and vegetable
I have a house, facing the sea,
When it’s spring time, the blossoms I shall see



我只愿面朝大海,春暖花开

My only wish is facing the sea,
waiting for the springtime and waiting for the blossom


我认为“一所房子”, 是暗指他想避世,不想再和人来往。整首诗的主题是,我面朝大海,等待春暖花开。



忍,一忍,三忍,无忍,不忍,小不忍,忍无可忍,小忍一傲,再忍一会,心恕,模糊数学,Impeach Obama,笨猴猴,折腾,不折腾,心刀一闪,心字头上一把刀,

2019-12-25 23:56
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